What would cause a military spouse to stray?

I was just curious cause i've seen a lot of my buddies go through hell in a place that isn't much better because their spouses see fit to step out on them as soon as they get deployed. It pisses me off cause they're already going through so much hardship and that's just unnecessary stress on top of everything else.





**For those who stay true, God bless you and your solider, marine, airman or sailor.**What would cause a military spouse to stray?
While the military is certainly a part of the equation in those relationships, I think it is important to realize this problem happens in the civilian world just as often. In the case of deployed spouses, it could be a number of things...feeling so alone they turn to someone else for comfort, the stress of being apart (especially if it has happened before), the fact that the marriage was probably struggling already (weather the deployed member was aware of it or not), the wife wanting to ';get back'; at her husband for ';leaving her behind'; to deal with the day to day all alone (and yes, I know that the deployed member is facing challanges far more life threatening, but that doesn't change how the spouse may feel). There are myriad reasons, most that don't make much sense to the hurt party. Know that for many spouses, it is not done deliberately, but most often as a way to ease their own pain and lonliness. And for every deployed spouse that is cheated on by someone back home, there are faithful spouses cheated on by deployed members as well. Neither side is immune..What would cause a military spouse to stray?
I've been in the military for 22 years and had many deployments. However, I've only been married for 11 months and deployed 10 of them. My wife and I are 100% faithful due to a deep commitment and constant communication. We do relationship courses together via email and telephone and do whatever it takes to support one another.





Those guys and gals I work with who cheat should not be married. Period. They have put their lust as more important than their spouse and his/her feelings and the marriage. Period.





No one sleeps around that has true and deep love for their spouse. If you are bored with your marriage, and can't find that spark again, then get divorced. It has run its course and it is better to save the heartbreak or be honest with one another and work it out.





Maybe to those of you that have been married 10+ years I sound a little naive, but those are the facts. I know that I will never cheat and I know that I would suffer the pain of divorce rather than cause that pain.
Just because they are deployed doesn't mean it was a happy home before they left. Not everybody is built to be the support system at home. I'm also in the military and seen both sides the faithful wife at home while the husband is doing him in iraq (my ex-husband) also seen the stressed out husband/wife in iraq while the husband/wife at home is doing wrong. It works both ways but on both sides it's hard it just has to be a strong relationship from the start and that's not always the case.
In the military in order to play ';house'; you have to basically be married. These days more people live together without getting married. In the military you have to be married to live together (onpost) and to get the extra money (which is a HUGE reason why some military men want to get married). There are so many people that I've ran into that are married and they're so young and when you ask them how long they've been together some will say ';Oh we got married after knowing each other a few months.'; Usually, not always, but usually those marriages aren't going to work. I think when the wives ';step out'; it's because they didn't have a good solid relationship with their husband in the first place. Remember that some of the men do the same thing out there as well. I live on an Army Post and I've heard a few stories of this happening and I've actually known one neighbor that did it to her husband. They never had a good realationship when he was home they would both get drunk and have domestic charges on them and what not. My point is that most of the couples that have a good solid realtionship make it through deployments.
The reason they stray is because they are human trash.


The justification given by some posters is irrelevant.


If one is married or living as such then the deal is done.Honour and loyalty must persevere through adversity.





I understand there may be many needs and issue that lead to temptation but they should be overcome.


If ones wife/girlfriend becomes unfaithful then better without.



It really depends on the individuals in the relationship...if you are both in love and you want to make the relationship work badly enough it will.





Everyone cheats for a different reason, some cheat for emotional reasons, others cheat for revenge, or just for sex. Honestly you can't really judge someone based on if they cheated or not...everyone has different reasons why...However I myself would NEVER cheat on my loved one while they were deployed...I think someone who does that it shows a lot about their character or really lack thereof.





I love my Marine, and respect him too much to do something like that to him. This last deployment was tough but I think our relationship flourished more because of it....we not only trust one another but we have a new appreciation for what we have together :)
Its because the spouse cant handle the deployment, they are stupid and what ever other colorfull words I cant put here. I speak from experience. My last deployment, my ex slept with every tom, dick and harry she could open wide for. The reason I know this is because she was three (3) months preg when I got home and tried to tell me at her 6th month it was mine. Her friends and my friends kept tabs on her and kept me updated while I was gone and so when I learned she lied and cheated, I slammed her @$$ with the papers. Some only look at the benifits they can skim off the service member and when the deployment comes up, they are on the market all of a sudden.
You got to cut them some slack. It's far harder on the one left behind then the one going to something new.





I was offshore once and heard this conversation.





Oil field worker: Hey baby. They asked me to stay on another week (we'd already been offshore 5 weeks and this was to be the 6th)


Wife. Pause . . . I'm getting laid tonight hope you can make it. ::Click-dial tone:: He drug up (went home)





EDIT PS I was a navy brat and did a 4 year hitch in the USAF. I grew up on Navy Bases 4 years in Guam stand out as the most sexually charged base and even in 1969-72 wives were not faithful, they were however much smarter. And teenage boys got a big windfall (that wouldn't work nowadays with the pedophile hysteria gripping this country)
im both a spouse and a soldier, and the answer is not easy, however people change with time apart. I dont agree with it, especially when I see how it affects the performance of my soldiers, but I also see the way they act when away from home, and thats not good either.





Time apart creates independence which is a deal breaker if not taken care of.
If you are meant to stay together you will. If you are not, you will not.





CPO


U.S. Navy, Retired


1968-1990


Divorced right after retirement and much more happy in my second marriage with a fantastic wife, 5 adult children (3 from 1st, and 2 steps) and 14 grandkids. And I was the one who stayed faithful.
Cause some people just arent cut out for that life. i have seen many of my husbands soldiers wife cheat and go out and party when they are just gone for the week for the field, its crazy...
Why do civilians cheat? Because they are weak.






The same reasons that cause civilian spouses to cheat. I have heard about every justification on earth so far, from





';12/15 months is a long time without sex (heard the same back when it was only 6, anyone remember SFOR and such?)'; to





';you just don't know what it's like (oh yeah, I do)'; to





';we were drunk (don't get drunk with people that are not your friends or husband/wife!)';





and let's not forget the good old





';I was so lonely'; and many, many others.





And yes, there are enough servicemembers cheating while away, too, yet somehow they fall under the radar a lot. While we at home may not be in dangerous situations like you guys are, it isn't the easiest life either for us, and it gets harder to ';soldier on'; when your soldier can't keep his/her pants up.





In the end it's all just cheap sex, and in most cases those people don't quite understand the difference between true feelings and sex. Do I miss sex when my husband's gone? Yeah, but I miss my husband more and wouldn't wanna do anything to lose him due to my own stupidity. Besides the fact that I don't want anyone else touching me and kissing me like my husband does.





It will keep happening though, and as sad as it is, you can't stop it. It's not just the young ones either, seen the older ones who have been married for a while get fed up and look for some comfort on the side.





The good thing is that there are way more faithful spouses than ones that cheat, you usually just don't hear about them like you hear about the cheaters. Don't let this stop you from getting close to someone, we're not all cheaters, and most of us stand by our men/women :)
they get horny?